Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
