i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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