Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
