i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
