I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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