Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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