I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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