Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
