Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
