My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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