i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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