I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Acid is not a monday night drug
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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