yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
