I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
