just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
