the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize