Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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