woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
