i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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