we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
