There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
