I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
