you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
