break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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