You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize