There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
