dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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