Don't you send me to vm
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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