I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
