I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
