I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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