I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
