the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
