Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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