i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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