I cockslap morals
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I could fuck to npr.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
