My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
