the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
