Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
