You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
