she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
