I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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