My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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