Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
