I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
