; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
