I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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