Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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