No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
