just survived the first fart of the relationship.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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