My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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