i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
