I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
