I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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