In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
