I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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