i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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