You work out of a Hotel?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize