bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
