Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
