Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
