you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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