You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
